"ALL WE'VE GOT HERE IS SHIT!" - IN DEFENCE OF 'ALIEN 3'

It’s statistically likely that ALIEN 3 was my first taste of cinematic disappointment, and boy was it a dogshit and toenail clippings sandwich. Bear in mind that during those hazy, crazy days of 1993, I’d already been a party to the foaming anticipation of TERMINATOR 2 in 1992, and got my knickers in a right royal twist awaiting the release of BATMAN in 1989, so ALIEN 3 had a monumental task on its hands. Not that I cared at that age of course; I just wanted to enjoy it as much as I had the first two, but, right out of the gate, something about it just seemed a little…off.

Firstly, no one knew who this fucking FINCHER guy was and that set alarm bells a clangin’. For sure the first two movies, at the time at least, had been directed by reasonably unknown directors, but this shit was a bona fide franchise now, a guaranteed money spinner, so what the actual fuck was 20th Century Fox playing at? Truth of the matter was that RENNY HARLIN and VINCENT WARD had both already walked due to creative differences with Fox and the chaotic production schedule, so young up-and-comer FINCHER was drafted out of necessity. Secondly, there was no confirmation that MICHAEL BIEHN and CARRIE HENN would be returning to their respective roles, throwing any hope of a satisfying and continuous story out the window. Thirdly, when it came down to it, the viewing experience itself was dreadful. The theatrical cut of ALIEN 3 is a studio influenced palace of nightmares, a shitty, classless, half realised wank of anal seepage made by cigar chomping sex offenders, and yes-men with less spine than a jellyfish’s swimming costume. Plus they kill a dog, so fuck this movie.

In 2003, however, something wonderful happened…

In support of Fox’s ALIEN QUADRILOGY box set release, FINCHER was approached to introduce the world to his original director’s cut of the movie. FINCHER, quite understandably, and after some serious consideration, told Fox to go fuck themselves. Instead, producer CHARLES de LAUZIRIKA was given FINCHER’s blessing to piece together the remnants of the original cut but told in no uncertain terms that it should NOT be called a director’s cut. Instead, we were treated to what became known as “the assembly cut” and while it’s not perfect by any stretch, by God is it a better, more cohesive movie. Sure, it’s still a bleak, joyless, nihilistic horror show of blood and guts, but now it’s earned.

Most fans, like myself, in 2003 were likely drawn to the assembly cut out of morbid curiosity rather than anything else (“an alternative cut of ALIEN 3? I mean…ok…”), but what we found in place of a nasty, mean-spirited, studio approved bucket of balls, was a movie that wanted to spend time with its characters and its setting, that wanted to linger on the environments and the interpersonal relationships between the central cast. In short, it looked like a movie which had been made with a bit of care and artistry. Probably the biggest and most surprising change to the film was the birth of the Xenomorph itself. Gone was the cruelty of having the alien burst forth from the guts of a beautiful Rottweiler called ‘Spike’. In its place was the body of an Ox which had died off-screen as a result of an entanglement with a facehugger. Also present and correct was the conclusion to prisoner Golic’s (PAUL MCGANN) story arc after an extended set piece where the Xeno makes a right fucking mess of the prisoner’s plans to flush it into the toxic waste lock-up. But despite these changes, the events of the movie play out not too dis-similary to that of the theatrical version which beggars the question; is ALIEN 3 really that bad?

Truth be told, I’d argue that it isn’t. It’s the presentation of the theatrical cut that was poor, not the story. Sure, it’s a dick-move to kill off Newt and Hicks, but that’s honestly the most contentious development the overall story had to offer, and I defy you not to feel, at least in some small way, that that particular tragedy is pretty much on-brand for Ripley. It’s a disservice to the characters of Newt and Hicks, but not necessarily to Ripley herself and especially not when you consider the hopeless, miserable, cloak and dagger corporate hell that is the ALIEN universe.

To the film’s credit, there's a solid supporting cast of prisoners and administrative staff who are distinct, memorable, and truly feel like they share a long standing history with each other. There’s CHARLES DANCE as the mercurial and sexy Dr. Clemens, CHARLES S. DUTTON as spiritual leader and lead pipe enthusiast Dillon, BRIAN GLOVER as the walking bureaucratic hard-on superintendent Andrews, and RALPH BROWN as the hapless Francis “85” Aaron. Then there’s the Xenomorph - - a cruel, merciless, serpentine killer hiding in the dark, arguably more terrifying here than in ALIENS and at the very least on a par with “the Big Chap” from the original. The soundtrack too is incredible. Grand, gothic and imposing orchestral unpleasantness which features occasional, barely perceptible flourishes of low-end synth to make your arsehole pucker at the thought of inevitable carnage. All in all there’s some good stuff here which was unfortunately and unfairly mired in studio shit-housery and greed. If not for SIGOURNEY WEAVER’s unshakeable support of FINCHER during the press tour, and producer ARNOLD KOPELSON’s unshakeable hatred for the management at 20th Century Fox, we may never have got SE7EN or ZODIAC such was the severity of the backlash to the theatrical release of this film. Let that sink in a minute.