COED CARNAGE: 9 COLLEGIATE HORROR FILMS THAT MAKE THE GRADE

 

Ah, college. That fleeting microcosm of clumsy sex in twin beds held aloft by cinder blocks, campus parties featuring watermelons filled with tequila, and fending off the inevitable hangover in your 9am, “The Textual Appeal of Tupac Shakur,” class. It’s an environment rich with different ideas and people, all brought together under the crippling thumb of lifelong student loan debt, which is what makes it such a rich horror vein that horror directors such as Wes Craven, Bob Clark, and Drew Goddard, have tapped into with great success. So, without further ado, I give you some of my favorite college horror picks for when you want to feel the soft, manicured grass of the quad against your back and a knife against your throat.

URBAN LEGEND (1998)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: A university is beset by a rash of gruesome murders that resemble old urban legends. When her friend Michelle (Natasha Gregson Wagner) is killed by someone hiding in her car, Natalie (Alicia Witt) begins to notice the pattern. Her suspicions grow stronger when her own roommate is strangled to death. Soon the quiet college campus is transformed into hunting grounds for a maniac, and Natalie struggles to find the killer and stop the bloodshed before she becomes the next victim.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: So 90’s you can smell the Delia’s catalogs and CK One coming off of the screen, this is a fun slasher that explores the mythos and surprising dangers behind popular urban legends. With a stacked teen idol cast, including Josh Jackson, Rebecca Gayheart, Tara Reid, and Jared Leto (back when he was only slightly insufferable), you can tell this slasher classic was gunning to be the next SCREAM  franchise. Though it sadly didn’t pan out that way, we did get a genuinely fun and entertaining horror film with one of perhaps the most theatrical killers in recent horror. Brenda all but went full Debbie Jalinsky from ADDAMS FAMILY VALUES in that last scene yall and I’m here for it.

SCREAM 2 (1997)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: Sydney (Neve Campbell) and tabloid reporter Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox) survived the events of the first SCREAM, but their nightmare isn't over. When two college students are murdered at a sneak preview of "Stab," a movie based on the events from the first film, it's clear a copycat killer is on the loose. Sydney and Gail, as well as fellow survivors Deputy Dewey (David Arquette) and Randy (Jamie Kennedy) have to find out who is behind this new murder spree, before they all end up dead.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: The pressure was huge on Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven to deliver a successful sequel to their monster hit SCREAM, which had all but changed the horror game the year before. By leaning into the pitfalls of most sequel films and broadening the locations (as well as the kill set pieces), they crafted a solid and entertaining follow up to a horror film that is very hard to top. The violence is amped up in this one and features what is still one of the most memorable cat-and-mouse chases through an AV lab that is a great example of tension building. There’s sorority parties, meta classroom discussions about the merit of film sequels, elaborate play rehearsals, giant libraries, and grassy quads galore - plenty of juicy collegiate horror action to whet your appetite with. As Jada’s character would have said, I love this dumb ass white movie about some dumb ass white girls getting their white asses cut the fuck up.

PIECES (1982)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: A frustrated Boston detective searches for the maniac responsible for mutilating a number of university coeds.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: J. Piquer Simón somehow out-Italians the Italians in this 80’s slasher classic, ratcheting up the sleaze, gore, and utter incomprehensibility to levels that not even Fulci would touch. Pigs are carved up, genitals are crushed, soundtrack cues are lifted wholesale, and Bruce Le shows up, because, why not?  No other slasher apart from Franco's BLOODY MOON comes close in terms of fractured, warped genius. Set in a dream-like fictionalization of Boston, thanks to a Spanish director who had never been to America before, This is what Europeans thought America was like in the early 80s - and they weren't wrong. PIECES manages to hit fantastic levels of profaneness, with buckets of blood, plenty of bare breasts, 80’s fashion, and flying limbs and visera that truly make it a film that lives up to its name. "Bastard! BASTARD!!!!!!! BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!"

BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: As winter break begins, a group of sorority sisters, including Jess (Olivia Hussey) and the often inebriated Barb (Margot Kidder), begin to receive anonymous, lascivious phone calls. Initially, Barb eggs the caller on, but stops when he responds threateningly. Soon, Barb's friend Claire (Lynne Griffin) goes missing from the sorority house, and a local adolescent girl is murdered, leading the girls to suspect a serial killer is on the loose. But no one realizes just how near the culprit is.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: Whether you consider it more of a slasher or a home (dorm?) invasion film, there’s no denying that BLACK CHRISTMAS is terrifying. Our unknown killer, simply called “Billy” who snarls, giggles and defiles the safety and peace of the ladies of the sorority through his obscene calls, which refer to someone named Agnes. Less concerned with body count than creating an atmosphere of absolute terror, BLACK CHRISTMAS deals with issues of misogyny, feminism, and violence against women. What makes the film all the more unsettling is that the motive and true identity of the killer are left unknown by the final famous shot of that still undiscovered murdered girl dead in the rocking chair in the attic. Director Bob Clark has revealed that Billy and Agnes were siblings, and the film alludes to some terrible incident taking place in their childhood with Billy saying, "don't tell them what they did." Ultimately, though, the identity, backstory, and motive of the killer are deliberately left ambiguous. With a film that deals with abortions, pre-marital sex, alcoholism, and some truly viseral, unforgiving kills, its no wonder that the movie's ending is as nihilistic as the rest of it.

THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD (1982)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: Four college students are stalked by an unknown assailant while staying on campus over the Christmas holidays to help clear out a dormitory which is to be demolished.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: I kind of like that this film focuses on a small group cleaning out and closing up a dorm - there are so many films that take place on college campuses that are taking place right in the thick of parties and classes and the sort of bustling activity that happens during semesters. THE DORM THAT DRIPPED BLOOD instead pulls back from all of that, going for something a little different and unique. It’s low budget, no mistake on that, and there are some POV killer lurking shots that last way longer than they should, which seems like an obvious attempt by the filmmakers to make this film actually meet film-length time requirements (it's still a lean hour and twenty minutes). Surprisingly, the acting isn’t as terrible as I’ve seen in some of these super low budget slashers and the villain is a super creepy, possessive beta male piece of shit. This is a slasher that is pretty by-the-book, except when it comes to its ending, which is a nice upend of the usual slasher tropes. 

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS (1986)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: In this campy chiller, a college couple, in 1959, see an object plummet to Earth like a meteor. The boy accidentally swallows a space-slug that shoots out. In 1986, two freshmen roam the campus and stumble across the corpse of the boy who swallowed the space-slug. Once thawed out, the corpse comes to life.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: There is so much silliness and light-hearted fun to this film that just makes it such a blast to watch. The writing and direction from Fred Dekker is on point and he plants his tongue, like one of his slug-aliens, firmly in his cheek throughout, delivering dialogue and characters that are genuinely funny and completely bonkers. Much like NIGHT OF THE COMET, this could never have been from any other decade. The story itself, and the parody nature of the humor is what makes NIGHT OF THE CREEPS ahead of its time, feeling modern in the way it presents itself and has a self-aware grin on its bright and slimy face. Hell, just look at the surnames of many of the characters here and you will see that it is a homage to b-movies from the past. Landis, Raimi, Cronenberg, Carpenter and Romero are among them, and it doesn’t stop there, with nods to films like NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and RE-ANIMATOR, among others. 

BURN WITCH BURN (1962)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: When a British professor (Peter Wyngarde) ties his success to his wife's (Janet Blair) black magic, he destroys her voodoo kit.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: Looking for some truly gorgeous, witchy vibes? Then look no further than Sidney Hayers 1962 black and white occult film, BURN WITCH BURN. Based on the horror novel “Conjure Wife” by Fritz Leiber, the screenplay was written by Charles Beaumont and Richard Matheson, who both penned several episodes of The Twilight Zone (Matheson also wrote the screenplay for Steven Spielberg’s DUEL). Atmosphere, tension, and cinematography are all top tier, and the gothic feel of the film, from the imposing university buildings, to the sinister-looking eagles perched high atop the turrets, create an atmosphere drenched in dread. Check out the Kino Lorber restoration if you can because it is just exquisite.

THESIS (1996)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: Fascinated and, at the same, repulsed by violence, the young graduate student of communication sciences, Ángela, prepares her thesis on a controversial subject: the exploitation of brutality on visual media. Before long--as Ángela starts her research project in the university's audiovisual archives, searching for hideous images or videos depicting human suffering--she unearths a dust-covered videotape of what appears to be the epitome of a repulsive underground film genre: an appallingly genuine snuff film. Now, as blood stains the faculty, only Ángela's reluctant friend--the gore-obsessed horror aficionado, Chema--can help her shed light on the gruesome death of the movie's protagonist, as, more and more, she fears that she could be next.

  • WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: It’s compelling from the word go, a gripping and at times uncomfortable exploration of our fascination and repulsion of the darkest recesses of cinema, what compels our eyes to the disturbing images on the screen and also triggers that part of us that only wants to look through our fingers at it. The characters of Angela and Chema perfectly represent those two sides of the audience - those who flinch and question why we as people would want to watch such things for entertainment, and those others who are like, why not? There’s some truly awful French kissing that looks like Hannibal Lechter going to town on a spleen, but don’t let that deter you. THESIS is the kind of tense thriller that the peak 90’s thrillers offered: sex, gore, and the most depraved of killers. 

THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW (1983)

  • THE LESSON PLAN: Seven sorority sisters drown their housemother (Lois Kelso Hunt), then meet the son she hid for 20 years.

  • \WHY IT MAKES THE DEAN’S LIST: If you are looking for classic 80’s college horror hijinks, look no further than THE HOUSE ON SORORITY ROW. Tired of their housemom’s puritanical stance on drinking and boys, the sorority sisters devise a prank, which of course, goes horribly wrong. The girls agree to hide the body in the pool until their party ends, commencing with their night of 80’s music, dancing, boys, and plenty of liquor, that is, until an unknown killer starts taking them out one by one. This is a solid first film from 25-year-old producer-director-writer Mark Rosman, who apprenticed under the sleek, macabre hand of director, Brian DePalma. Though it’s ultimately not able to live up to its’ initial promise, iit has the vibe of the last half of the original SCREAM film with it’s house party-centric kills, and offers some interesting surrealistic moments that make it an enjoyable revisit if you are looking for some classic 80’s slasher fun.

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News, Rants, MoviesDana VAUTHOR: Dana Vargas, COLLEGE HORROR, Pieces, urban legend, Scream 2, The Dorm That Dripped Blood, Black Christmas, Thesis, The House on Sorority Row, Night of the Creeps, Burn Witch Burn, Slashers, Supernatural Horror, Horror recommendations