Silent Night, Deadly Night was Originally a Children’s Christmas Book called “Silent Night, Silly Night."

Holiday greetings, my macabre Mama’s and Papa’s. I’m stoked to get one more academically written piece out to all of you before the end of ’22. And what a piece it’s gonna be.

As I was perusing the many holiday slasher/horror films that get me feeling all “yuletidey” (it’s a word. I’m a fucking Harvard English scholar, so back off), I came upon an old article written in Sanskrit. To my surprise, it was an article about the classic, arguably the most famous, Christmas slasher film, Silent Night, Deadly, Night. A 1984 film that tells the story of young Billy – who witnesses a drunken, murderous Santa kill his Ma’ and Pa’ – who then grows up to be a murderous fuck himself because of the Christmas trauma he experienced.

 Well, dear readers, the article explained that the original SNDN was based on a kid's Christmas book written in 1961 called, Silent Night, Silly Night. “No fuckin’ way,” I said to myself as I sipped on a semi-warm PBR and ate vegan-loaded nachos. Right then, I knew I must do some research. So, I put on my best holiday mesh tank top and went to town on Google. And lo and behold, I found one on AliBay (an American multinational e-commerce company that only allows people named Ali to sell stuff). A seller in Grand Forks, North Dakota was selling their only copy of Silent Night, Silly Night – and I nabbed it for the whimsical price of $378.00 (I’m hoping the head honchos at MacabreDaily will reimburse my punk-ass – but their addiction to used Shake Weights has left them pretty much penniless, so my hopes aren’t high). 

EDITOR’S NOTE: MACABREDAILY WILL NOT REIMBURSE NICK FOR ANYTHING PURCHASED.

Cool. So, I received the book via North Dakota and immediately dove into the holiday tale written for children. Simply written, Silent Night, Silly Night was rad. I can totally see where SDND took notes for their script. IO did more research and discovered that SNDN writers Paul Caimi and Michael Hickey had young kids in the 60s – my best guess is this children’s book was a staple in their home.

 Silent Night, Silly Night tells the story of little Billy who doesn’t want to go to bed. Why? Because the little tyke wants to meet Santa. His parents, William and Agnus, are passed out on the floor in the living room. Billy’s dad owns a toy store and the holiday party he threw included truckloads of gin and low-grade reefer (kid’s books were different back in the day, okay). As Billy’s parents “sleep it off,” he gets to be the king of his own castle. He makes up his mind, and he's going to wait Santa out. How though? He needs to stay awake. Young Billy finds some of his mom’s uppers; he washes them down with a few glasses of Coca-Cola. Billy is ready. But with all the speed and caffeine – he’s kinda wired – so he starts acting silly and starts making up holiday-inspired stories in his head. The first silly action he commits includes his babysitter, whom he calls on the rotary telephone – she is surprised he’s calling so late, but Billy explains that he needs her to come over because his family has been murdered. She rushes to the house, wearing nothing but tiny jean shorts and a midriff, only to discover little Billy pleasuring himself on the pool table. “BILLY!” she screams. He giggles as she trudges back out in the snow on Christmas Eve. Next, Billy pranks a hospital and starts singing a silly song over the phone. It goes, “Call on your poopoo if you wish because the smell is sure to punish.” Of course, they hang up on him as he laughs uncontrollably. I’ll share one more instance of Billy being “silly” as he waits for Santa. Running upstairs, he runs into his parent’s room and opens what we assume is a secret drawer. Billy grabs a marital “tool” and a Santa hat. He runs back downstairs and playfully puts the prosthetic-looking penis in his dad’s mouth while singing Silent Night. What’s funny is right before Billy puts the apparatus in his dad’s mouth, he smells it and makes an “EW!” face. This wakes up his dad, who realizes what’s happening – he grabs Billy by the arm, drops him over his lap, and spanks him while telling him he is naughty. Billy seems to enjoy this.

That’s the jest, homies. I recommend adding it to your library if you can find one to purchase. Other than that, I wish you all a super rad holiday and a poetic New Year. See you in ’23. Toodles.

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