I Sat Down With Victor Crowley: The Misunderstood Man-Boy

Hiya – It’s been a minute, yeah? My name is Nick and I’ve been out of the mix lately as I have been helping the Chamorro Freedom Fighters protect their crops and culture while fighting off the aristocratical government and their tyrannical insurgency.

I’m back – to decompress and continue the business venture I’ve been extremely dedicated to…Imagine a website dedicated to older ladies looking for attention and admiration – from those all over the world – It’s called LonelyGrans.

So, I wanted to get back in the mix at the MD. Our Editor in Chief, Sam, stopped sending me love memes, so I knew I had to write a banger - something so captivating that the entire crew at MacabreDaily would sing me praises and mail me their worn socks (so what. we all have kinks, shut up).

Well, I did it! Believe it or not, I was able to track down Honey Island Swap’s own Victor Crowley. Not only was he charming, educated and genuine – he smelled of Drakkar Noir and Blue Cheese. This was a sit- down for the ages…. Let’s begin, shall we?

NB: VeeCee, great to meet you. Big fan here.

VC: Thanks, but please call me Victor. I frown on that nickname – it sounds so frat boy ish.

NB: For sure. My bad. So, tell me, Victor - what’s been happening as of late?

VC: Well, it’s been a wild ride, but I was able to reclaim my swamp and my home – and lately, I’ve been canvassing the local towns stumping for Gary Chambers. A smart progressive leader whom we need in Louisiana.

NB: Wow. Never thought of you as the political type. Even more, a progressive Democrat.

VC: 100%. My pronouns are they/them and I’m extremely dedicated to promoting the reproductive writes of every person.

NB: Not to sound like a dick here, Victor. But I’ve seen you mutilate women – using their own torn-off arm to penetrate their genital area.

VC: Yeah. Not my finest work – but, just like everyone, I have the room to grow mentally and emotionally. My therapist has been a huge help in my journey.

NB: Therapist?

VC: Totally. With all the chaos that’s happening in our nation – gun violence, right-wing extremists, an ex-OompaLoompa leader who possibly sold nuclear information, the rights of minorities, women, LGBTQIA+ communities getting shit on – I just couldn’t take it anymore. So, I thank Mother Gaia for her wisdom and direction – one of the reasons I connected with a therapist.

NB: I’m at a loss for words, Victor. I mean, I’ve seen you grab a woman’s mouth with both hands and rip her face in half.

VC: Listen. We all grow. We all learn. I feel attacked. Please refrain from using those hurtful words to re-appropriate my past.

NB: Re appropriate? Huh? I’m speaking from my truth.

VC: Well, your truth is hurtful, and I suggest you reevaluate your chi and try to self-guide into an aurora that engulfs peace, restraint and unity.

NB: Wow. Does Adam Green know about this?

VC: Of course. Adam and I are about to open the very first vegan restaurant right here in Honey Island Swap.

NB: WOW.

VC: Yeah. I’m toats excited.

NB: Well, glad to see all is well, victor. What’s the future hold?

VC: I’m putting together an Ayahuasca Festival to be scheduled TBD. So far, I’ve booked Phish, The Indigo Girls and Cheery Pie – a Warrant cover band. Stay tuned.

NB: Cool. Thanks, Victor.

VC: Toodles.

We wish to thank Victor Crowley for taking the time out of his busy gardening and meditation schedule to chat with us.

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