"Cutting Teeth" By Chandler Baker - Another Reason To Not Have Kids

“Cutting Teeth" by Chandler Baker is a vampiric ode to motherhood told in what I like to call a 'slice of life horror' setting. Published in 2023, this novel uses the day-to-day chaos of modern parenting as an unlikely background for a horror story, exposing the inner thoughts of mothers—no matter how disturbing—and revealing what mothers will do to protect their children.

We follow the bloody events at Little Academy Preschool. Mothers Darby, Mary Beth, and Rhea are trying to keep up with the spread of a strange illness that has the children of Little Academy craving blood. After a mysterious murder takes place in the school, everyone is a suspect, especially the blood-thirsty 4-year-olds.

As the investigation ramps up, the blood cravings grow, and the struggles of parenting continue, these mothers have to juggle lies, secrets, murder, their husbands, and not to mention, dinner. As the children begin to crave more blood, they start biting each other and eventually, their mothers. Desperate to appease their children and avoid criticism, the mothers begin to allow their children to drink their blood. Several mothers end up in the hospital with a loss of blood. Interestingly enough, none of the fathers seem willing to donate to their children.

In true modern fashion, this story makes national news, and now all eyes are on the mothers of Little Academy Preschool. During this chaos, the investigation of the murder begins to unfold. No one can be trusted. Everyone has something to protect. Is it themselves, their husbands, or their precious bloodsuckers?

Baker crafts an incredible story full of suspense, mystery, and thrills using everything from a brutal murder to a child’s potty training habits. Each of the three main mothers embodies a parenting stereotype, giving the reader a glimpse into the minute details of each of these mother’s daily struggles, inner fears, and darkest thoughts.

Within the last several years and the rise of parenting influencers, I have noticed mothers being much more open and honest about the “hidden” burdens of motherhood. In "Cutting Teeth," Baker ripped the band-aid off - so to speak- and explored these dark thoughts that many mothers have but do not share. The all-encompassing loss of self and duty to another being is laid bare in every aspect of this book. From the sacrifice of bathroom privacy to the sacrifice of literal blood. It is impossible to not admire these selfless mothers despite everything they encounter and endure.

Ok, so definitely not your conventional horror story, but it was TERRIFYING! I am currently not a mother, but this book still managed to make me nauseous from the existential horror and realizations of what it means to be willing to give your sweat, tears, and even copious amounts of blood to your children.

A grotesquely dark comedy that you will not want to put down until you find out who the murderer is and if the mothers are telling the truth. If you are a mother, if you are not a mother, if you never plan on being a mother, read this book.

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