Five Reasons Why Macabre Daily is Way Better Than Buzzfeed

Buzzfeed. Dude, I remember when the website was a stop for maybe a celebrity boob slip. Now, it’s like they’re trying to get all legit. Haha. I just don’t see it. I’m kind of over this so-called “media, news, entertainment” company trying to get Walter Cronkite-ish (Walter was a rad, respected journalist who secretly -probably - hated Buzzfeed). I’m not trying to start a war with this multi-million-dollar company as Macabre Daily sits stoically with a six pack of PBR and chips while the nerds at BuzzFools drink top-shelf White Claws and eats fancy appetizers (probably from Applebee’s).

Let’s get on to the five reasons we (Macabre Daily) are way better than Buzzfeed.

One - They use dumb listicles (list posts)

Yeah. Yeah. I did it, too. But I did it to be funny. Ironic? Who cares. It’s just dumb. “10 Ways to Have Relations with your Vacuum” – “21 Reasons Why You Should Perm Your Pubic Hair” -ENOUGH! It’s used because BuffNuts thinks less of their readers. “They’ll read it if they know how long the post is.” They think their readers are less intelligent, so they wanna make the posts quick and stupid dumb…this leads to the next reason BF sux vegan ox testicles…

Two – They farm for clickbait like Marjorie Taylor Green farms for attention

Ok. Ok. Yeah. All sites do that, Nick. I hear you. I understand. But it’s like going out with your friends on Saturday night. You want to have fun and party – but if you drink too much – then you forget the fun, and people start thinking you’re a drunk tool. Not wanting to hang out with you anytime soon. Go easy on the CTAs (call to action). It reminds me of what news stations did back in the day, “A cereal might be slowly killing our children– tune in at 10 to learn more.” And it's a story of one reported KarenMom who thought the leprechaun on the box was satanic. Buzzfeed would be that news station.

Three – No Kardashians

Why in the living fuck do so many worship this awful, sad bunch of attention-seeking slobs. Makes me sick. If they were in Macabre Daily, my hope is it would be about someone filming a new slasher “Killing the Kardashians. *” Sounds like a rad screenplay. Maybe not call out their actual name, but the family would be the focus of the kills.
*This writer does not want to kill that punk-ass family, just satirical penmanship

Four – Macabre Daily Posts Original Content

They might have cleaned this up, but within the last 3-5 years, BuzzDrips has come under fire for stealing mad content. Everything from photos to articles. What a bunch of assbutts. My guess is management (after they put down their kombucha and unicycle magazine) puts the hammer down on their staff – these kids (early 20s) who are trying to make it in NYC. I read that they’re paid in Starbucks gift cards and Rubik’s Cube lessons. Jk.

Five – No dumb quizzes

This could be done right. But BuzzSpazz builds these quizzes with respect to what they think of their audience. “What type of Avocado Are you?” – “What Twilight Character Would You Most Likely Bang?” – This next one is a fucking real one – “Watch Us Guess Your Favorite Nugget Shape and Reveal Exactly What It Reveals About Your Personality.” I’m not gonna link it here – Google it if you really wanna take the quiz.
That said, if Macabre Daily wanted to do quizzes to entice readers, we could come up with way more rad tests to up the stoke factor. “Choose your Favorite Fruits and We’ll Tell You Which Scream Movie You Like the Most” – “Tell Us Which Macabre Daily Writer is Most Dreamy, and We’ll Tell you Where You’d Watch the Movie Good Burger.”

Thanks for reading. Well, at least I hope you enjoyed this article I spent two weeks writing (JK. I’ve just been slacking on my writing duties, so I want to make everyone at MD thinks I was working hard on this one article). Buzzfeed makes millions (good for them) because they know their audience. Who am I to judge – I’m writing this in an old pair of socks and a ripped-up Wendy’s t-shirt (and nothing else). If you read all of this – leave “MD over BF” in the comments on social media. You’ll win a self-portrait drawing from the guys over at SlashU. Until next time.

Stay up to date with “The Dark Side Of Pop Culture” by following MacabreDaily on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.