My Dinner with Cocaine Bear - MacabreDaily Exclusive Interview

I saw the movie ‘Cocaine Bear.’ It was cool, I guess. The gore was pretty rad. The premise was relevant to “true events.” And who doesn’t love Elizabeth Banks? She directed the film and boy-howdy was it a good first outing as a director. But that was about it for this reporter. Why in the living hell did they need to put kids in the movie? The tykes didn’t die. They didn’t snort coke (They ate some. Big whoop). They put kids in soft R movies and/or PG-13 movies – to keep kids in the audience slightly amused.

There’s no fucking way parents are taking kids to see a movie called Cocaine Bear. And what was with the cubs? Fuck. At the end of the movie, I thought I was watching the fucking Goonies. That said, after the kids were introduced, I proceeded to take a sixer of PBR tall boys to pound town. Oh well. Recently, this handsome, intelligent, modest writer at Macabre Daily got the opportunity to meet THE Cocaine Bear. We decided to meet at this hip vegan restaurant outside of Mobile, Alabama (where rumor has it that she’s there filming a small part for season two’s The Last of Us). We sat, ate, drank, and talked about nothing in particular – still, it was BEAR-y interesting.

MD: Hey, Cocaine Bear. Thanks for meeting with me.

CB: Actually, I prefer being addressed by my birth name – Gloria Drumstead.

MD: Wow. Okay. My bad. Had no idea. Should I make that change in this article?

CB: Sadly, no. Everyone knows me as the Cocaine Bear – so that’s what they call me.

MD: I feel you. Kinda like once you play Screech – you’ll always be Screech.

CB: Totally.

MD: Where did it all begin, Gloria?

CB: Well, my mom and dad did some work with Dan Hagerty, who most know from starring in the movie The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams. I remember meeting him as a young cub. It was there I first smelled pot.

MD: You mean cannabis?

CB: Yeah. And I remember seeing my dad and Dan get drunk off cheap whiskey and wrestle for nickels.

MD: On. Set?

CB: Yeah. Then my dad went super Hollywood, divorced my mom, and continued to try and make it in “the biz.” While my mom took me and moved to the suburbs of Scottsdale, Arizona.

MD: Only kid…er…cub?

CB: Yeah.

MD: What was childhood like?

CB: Typical. I did okay in school. Loved drama class. But something was missing. My dad. So, after graduating, I went in search of my pops – Franklin Drumstead.

MD: Was mom cool with that?

CB: She really didn’t care. She was dating a new guy. He had cubs from a previous marriage and made a decent living as a performer at a small, underground circus in Phoenix.

MD: So that was it?

CB: Yeah. My mom and I aren’t close – well, now that my movie did well, she’s all about “her baby.” Whatever. But back to my dad, when I got to LA, it was a simple search. “Hey, anyone seen a bear that likes to wrestle for nickels?” Lo and behold, I found him on the second day. But he was a new man. He was giving acting lessons at Lucasfilm.

MD: What? George Lucas?

CB: For sure. He’s the one that introduced me to EB. And we hit it off immediately.

MD: Wait. Did you want to act? Were you looking to follow in your parent’s footsteps?

CB: Well, no. I just wanted to hang with my dad. Smoke some weed and try to meet Harry Styles. But dad told me EB was casting for a movie – and he was too old for the part.

MD: Elizabeth Banks offered you Cocaine Bear right away?

CB: No. but after a girl’s getaway that involved a lot of wine and sushi and later nights at the club – we came to an agreement that I should at least read for the part.

MD: And the rest is history, yeah?

CB: Sorta. The script, in my opinion, didn’t need the family element. So, there was some discussion there.

MD: Totally agree.

CB: And then, after the movie – Elizabeth ditched our girl's trip to Cabo for a wine retreat with Jordan Peele. I think she’s trying to get on that PEELE LEVEL.

MD: Ok. But let’s be real, it’s a “meh” level.

CB: You’re the sweetest. But still, it hurt. I thought me and EB were pals.

MD: But Hollywood hasn’t spit you out. You’re still working.

CB: A small part in the last few episodes of The Last of Us on HBO. And consulting the Charmin Bears – sort of acting as their agent.

MD: RAD! Well, our vegan miso tofu is almost done – as is this bottle of Sake. What do you say we call it a night?

CB: No way. I’m hitting the casino down the way. Wanna join?

MD: A bear couldn’t stop me. Lead the way.

Again, Gloria was a delight. She cleaned up at the casino. The girl knows her Pai Gow. We ended the night with a few shots and dancing the night away at a dive bar that featured a Rage Against the Machine cover band. I’ve read that Cocaine Bear 2 is going to be a thing – I hope Elizabeth and Gloria can put their disagreement aside and come back with something stronger – better than the original – like Return to the Blue Lagoon.

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