'SWEATSHOP': If Fangoria Had An Only Fans, This Would Play On Repeat
Hey. Hi. Hello. It’s your MD pal Nick here – checking in late (per the usual), but only because I’ve been chronicling the migration pattern of a small family of Canadian Geese that live in the park next to my house. They seem only to enjoy two activities: Pooping and hanging out at Tim Horton’s. Oh Well.
I usually don’t do movie reviews, but I had to bust out my movie critic/d-bag cinephile persona this time. Just bear with me…
The hottest horror podcast on this fantastic spinning sphere recently discussed the movie Sweatshop. And wow, this one makes Adam Greene look like a rom-com director. Have any of you seen it in MD land? Hit us up in the comments. I’m curious. For real.
Ok. The kill count is tough – my guess – is 30/31 corpses. Let’s talk synopsis…
These goth, punk, MadMax rejects wanna throw a rave in an old, abandoned sweatshop. Why do I say sweatshop? I really don’t fucking know. It’s the only way I can connect the name to the movie. That’s it. Ok. So, these goth, punk, Hot Topic fucks want to get drunk, party, and touch boobs and genitalia. That’s it (the final girl, Charlie, is a tough lady who also pimps out a couple of the other goth girls to perform sexual favors for interested rave attendees, not important to the story, though). There is a huge, fucking well-dressed killer loving in the warehouse, aptly named THE BEAST.
Side note: He has two assistants/sisters/fuck buddies that live with him; think the girl from The Ring but with way worse teeth. I can’t figure any of this out because there is no backstory. The Beast wears a nice (hopefully faux) fox fur shaw, an old, brown janitorial onesie, and an old-school welder mask. He is fucking huge and uses a massive forging hammer as his primary weapon of choice.
I don’t want to make this a spoiler article, so I’ll just say this…the kills are effing nuts, friends. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of slasher/horror movies – and they’re fun to discuss without having to deal with that one jerk who wants to up everybody with his “artistic” take on the film. It’s like,
“Shut the fuck up, Jeremy – no one wants to hear your thoughts on why the director might have referenced ancient Greek philosophies used to generate the juxtaposition of the narrative. We watched Good Burger, for Christ’s sake.” I’ll tell you one rad kill, however. The Beast grabs Wade (the fat guy that is a staple in every hipster clique) and cuts off his penis and testicles. He then uses the testicles as a ball gag (hahaha. Get it? BALL gag?) to stifle the scream of him and his brother (yeah, his poor brother had to rock his brother’s nut in his mouth, too).
Rent it, stream it, and watch it. You’ll have a grand ol’ time. And if you want to hear more of Sweatshop, tune into the intelligent, good-looking, modest hosts at Slash U this Monday – they broke down that movie super swell.
In the meantime, I’d stay away from raves for a while. Just to be safe, and it’s not 2009 anymore. Bye.
Stay up to date with “The Dark Side Of Pop Culture” by following MacabreDaily on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
