Trick or Treats: The Halloween Vasectomy
Alright. Hear me out. This 1982 cinematic wonder film will make you want to get the nuts snipped or buy stock in Plan B.
Quick note, this should not be confused with 2007's Trick 'r Treat - the one with the weird alien that wears a potato sack over its head.
Before I dive more into this (maybe controversial) subject- I'm going to allow the scholars over at IMDB give you a brief run down on the Trick or Treats happenings:
"A babysitter is stuck watching over a young brat* on Halloween night who keeps playing vicious pranks on her. To add to her trouble the boy's deranged father has escaped from an asylum and is planning on making a visit."
*A fucked, sadomasochistic kid
This flick stars a middle-aged David Carridine (old movie star that went out the INXS way) and Peter Jason (an immaculate career that includes They Live). These two homies are probably the most notable actors within the film.
Ugh. I sound like a true cinephile (now I feel all gross and dirty).
So, this Mom has her husband (Peter Jason) committed to an asylum so she can bang-n-marry her new love interest (Carridine). For you kids out there, back in the 80's all you had to do was sign two pieces of paper and the mental institution will come pick up your partner. Wow! What a time to have lived, huh?
So Dad off at the padded wall condominiums and crazy mom and her new lover Carridine are about to go party in Vegas...as magicians.
Wait. They have a kid (step-kid to Carridine). Fuck What to do. A babysitter. Yes.
Enter Linda. The totally 80's babe. This is really explored as old man Carridine tries to take off her top as his wife prepares for the trip to Vegas.
The couple splits to the airport - leaving Linda alone to take care of the dick-bag of a kid.
This kid is a grade-A diiiicccccckkkkkkkk. He makes Damien look like a boy scout who collects aluminum cans to help build a community rec center. Could he have been in Children of the Corn? Maybe. If it was called Psycho-Sadist Assholes of the Corn.
He's an evil pranskster set to ruin the night of his totally rad babysitter - Linda. The one thing that kinda pisses me off is that she always falls for the gags. Maybe the first three or so - but this kid doesn't stop, and she continues to fall for the gags.
This is the whole movie, MD pals. Really.
Oh, the dad comes in towards the end to try and kill them - but can you blame him? Dude was just chillin', reading his paper and he gets carted off to an insane asylum. Poor guy. I might want to kill my little meatball of a kid, too. But not Linda.
#Never Linda.
Halloween and passion go together like tater tots and hot sauce, but I assure you, if you watch Trick or Treats with your beloved partner this season - I'm telling you, it's gonna kill the mood. Even Linda won't be able to help. And if you're thinking of starting a family - and you're unsure - watch this flick and the second guessing will prevail. It's so scary to think kids could turn out this way. But that's the 80's for you - make a slasher/horror flick about a fucked kid and buy loads of cocaine.
Ahhhh. Such a simpler time.
