COLLECTOR'S CRYPT - "DINOSAUR VALLEY GIRLS" (VISUAL VENGEANCE BLU-RAY)
B-movies are some of the most endearing genre films out there, and they can also be some of the worst. Much like a game of Russian Roulette, a B-Movie has a high risk/high reward factor that can make their discovery something of an acquired taste only for the most adventurous and patient film fans. Many films and filmmakers revel in their B-movie status, and these films have both made and broken careers in kind, but what makes a good B-movie, or more importantly, an entertaining one? Visual Vengeance is what we would consider experts in this arena, and their latest release of “Dinosaur Valley Girls” is a testament to the beauty and the burden of the B-movie.
WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
After recurring dreams, action star Tony is transported to prehistoric times where he encounters dangerous dinosaurs and love-seeking cavegirls. He must use his skills to survive, win his dream girl's heart, and potentially return home.
HOW IS IT?
This is likely to be one of the shortest reviews we have ever done in the crypt, but not for the reasons you may think. One would think that “Dinosaur Valley Girls” is so egregiously bad that it doesn’t warrant the word count we try to adhere to, but that’s not the case. Rather, “Dinosaur Valley Girls” is so blatantly simplistic that there just isn’t much about it to unpack. To be clear, this isn’t a cinematic marvel nor is it completely void of anything interesting, it’s just exactly what it sets out to be, nothing more and nothing less. Don Glut’s prehistoric nudie pic is as silly as “Tammy and the T-Rex,” sans the bonkers storyline and premise, and it has no aspirations other than being anything more than what the title says it is.
Tony is a martial arts action star who has the house, the fame, and the babe at home who is always looking to please him while clinging to his stardom in hopes of propelling her own. But Tony’s bored, and he’s having recurring dreams about a woman in a prehistoric land, which he eventually gets transported to after a quick museum tour. Upon arrival, he is confronted with two warring factions of men and women who don’t speak English and instead converse in a series of grunts and gibberish. The women fawn over Tony, and the men are somewhat threatened, but also in awe. To make matters more interesting, there are dinosaurs, but they aren’t the focus of the story so much as the warring cavemen and women, and Tony’s attempts to bridge their divide whilst bedding one of the cave babes. It’s really that simple, and it’s chock full of jokes that haven’t aged well and weren’t all that funny to begin with. At 94 minutes it is a bit of a slog to get through, but it’s also the perfect “beer and pizza” movie to put on and laugh at with your friends if you’re so inclined.
The most exciting parts of the film are when we get to see dinosaurs that are an ode to Ray Harryhausen’s style of stop-motion animation, although these are infinitely less detailed than the ones that came decades prior. This was self-produced by Glut and a few others, so it isn’t fair to expect big-budget dollars behind this, especially since it was going to be shelved by the original distributor, Playboy. The sad thing is, the dinosaurs are in less than 15 of those 94 minutes, with the rest being filled with bare breasts, gibberish talk, and a wise-cracking Tony who is the epitome of post-80s macho sleaze. We had no allusions going into this that we were going to get a modern masterpiece, but this does feel like it would’ve worked better staying closer to 60 minutes. The best parts are trying to spot some of the cameos which include Forest J. Ackerman and William Marshall, even though they only appear on screen for mere minutes.
HOW DOES IT LOOK?
Visual Vengenace, which we cover religiously, isn’t known for its restorative work since so much of its catalog consists of SOV movies or 8-16mm film stock. In this case, the master tapes from the original release were used and they look as good as can be expected for something shot on tape. The colors are a bit muted and murky, with a lot of tans and beiges for the prehistoric landscape, but everything is visible with no artifacts of wear and tear from the master tapes apparent and the original aspect ratio of 1.33:1 is maintained here. Images from this release are used throughout this review.
HOW DOES IT SOUND?
Much like the visuals, the sound here is nothing to write home about with a Dobly 2.0 stereo track included and English subtitles for those who prefer them. The sound is clear, although not the best quality, and the dialogue is easily audible amongst the goofy score and diegetic sound. Again, our expectations are tempered here so we weren’t expecting anything more than this, and Visual Vengeance is clearly doing its best with what they’ve got and recognizing that these aren’t the kind of films that benefit from new sound mixes as much as cleaned-up ones.
ANYTHING SPECIAL?
The crown jewel in every Visual Vengeance release is always the special features, and they go all out with “Dinosaur Valley Girls.” The first one we took in was The Making of Dinosaur Valley Girls, a 23-minute mixture of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with Glut and members of the cast. Glut talked a lot about the decision to self-produce since Playboy wasn’t interested in doing a dinosaur movie, and also his simple approach to casting. He wanted them to look like their character, and he gave the actors a camera, a spear, and three scenarios they could act out and send for their auditions. Like the most inventive genre filmmakers, Glut used actors who had somewhat faded from the limelight, which is what brought Karen Black to the production among others.
The second feature we reviewed was easily the best one, but one of the shorter ones. Don Glut: The Collection is an 8-minute video tour of Glut’s house from 2023 which is quite literally stuffed to the gills with original art, comic books, and of course, dinosaurs. Some of the notable originals Glut showed off came from artists such as Jack Kirby, Jim Starenko, Russ Manning, William Stout, and the most fascinating being by Archibald M. Willard who painted the famous patriotic scene of Spirit of 76. Glut also has tons of bones and fossils just lying around, and lovingly recalls after he got divorced realizing that there was no one to tell him “no,” which led to an explosion in his collection. It’s not just the inside that’s covered in dinosaurs, but also the backyard which is an actual dinosaur park complete with more bones and lifesize replicas like the kind you’d find in amusement parks and historical museums. No one can accuse Glut of being a dinosaur poser, that’s for sure. A full list of special features included in this release is below:
Special Features
Region Free Blu-ray
Remastered, director-supervised SD master from original tape elements
New 2023 Commentary with director Don Glut and C. Courtney Joyner
Archival Commentary with Director Don Glut and C. Courtney Joyner
Dinosaur Valley Guy: Interview with director Don Glut (2023)
Don Glut: The Collection - A look inside Don’s legendary dinosaur home museum (2023)
The Making of Dinosaur Valley Girls
Dinosaur Valley Girls - Alternate ‘PG-13’ rated cut
Deleted and Alternate Scenes
Actress Auditions Reel
Dinosaur Tracks - Music Video Reel
Jurassic Punk - Music and Lyrics
Dinosaur Valley Girls - Music and Lyrics
Storyboards
Production Image Galleries
Mu Wang in Mu-Seum
Mu Wang in Danse Prehistoric
Original Promotional Trailer
Visual Vengeance Trailer
Limited Edition Slipcase by Rick Melton - FIRST PRESSING ONLY
Limited Edition Dinosaur Valley Girls logo sticker - FIRST PRESSING ONLY
Reversible Sleeve Featuring Original home video art
2-sided insert
Folded mini-poster
'Stick Your Own' VHS Sticker Set
Optional English subtitles
LAST RITES
“Dinosaur Valley Girls” isn’t high-art and is as straightforward a film as you’re about to get complete with naked women, cheesy dinosaurs, and a wisecracking lead with the charisma of Andrew Dice Clay on ketamine. For Visual Vengeance fans this is a must-buy as it is so on-brand for their oeuvre, and all others may find some joy in the silliness, so long as you’re either drunk or stoned.
THE GORY DETAILS
Thank you to the fine fiends at MVD Entertainment for providing a review copy for the crypt! Dinosaur Valley Girls is available now and can be purchased via MVD DIRECT!
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