MacabreDaily's Top 13 Movies That SUCKED In 2022!
So many films are released in a years time that it is hard to keep track of. Some are Oscar worthy affairs that hold film in such a high regard they influence film makers for generations to come. Then, there are those other movies that fly under the radar and are discovered as true gems of whatever genre they fall into and become masterpieces of cinema to the elite. The films we’re about to dive into…are NONE OF THESE.
That’s right folks, we’re gonna be tackling BAD movies. No not the “So Bad Its Good” type films. We’re talking straight wastes of film. Time gobblers that took our day and ruined it by just watching them on the big screen or small in 2022. Believe us, there were quiet a few candidates this year and we have a list to prove it.
MacabreDaily’s TOP 13 Movies That Sucked In 2022!
MD STAFF: LOWELL GREENBLATT
Name Of Movie: Morbius
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Month Of Release: April
Why It Sucked: Full disclosure: I’m not big on “Worst of” lists, especially considering how hard it is to make ANY movie. That said, “Morbius” is terrible. No amount of “morbin’ time” memes can make up for its bad slow-motion special effects, stock characters and everything else it stole from 2003. Jared Leto is having a fun little exercise for himself, but everyone else acts as if they’re waiting for their checks to clear.
It could have worked. I’m all for a superhero/horror genre mash-up, but this appears to be conceived and executed by people who only heard of Michael Morbius just a few months before principal photography. At least it doesn't have a nu metal soundtrack. And don’t get me started on that mid-credits scene which reeks of action figures getting smashed together.
Name Of Movie: Firestarter
Director: Keith Thomas
Month Of Release: May
Why It Sucked: I’m all in favor of remaking films that don’t land the first time around, which is why I was curious about the new “Firestarter” adaptation. Plus, how do you adapt a property that’s recently been cannibalized as an inspiration for “Stranger Things?” Start by assembling a great cast, and then…profit?
Look, I’m glad we finally got a Native American (the awesome Michael Greyeyes) to play John Rainbird and while we’re not ready to picture Zac Efron as a father, he does what he can. Too bad it’s nowhere near enough to save this machine that runs on inexplicable choices (sorry, but did someone just make up that ending on the day?). The John Carpenter score is great, though.
MD STAFF: DANIEL CRADDOCK
Name Of Movie: Mad God
Director: Phil Tippett
Month Of Release: June
Why It Sucked: Credit where credit is due, Phil Tippett is an amazing animator, and this was his thirty-year pet project, and you can see that work on display. However that may be part of the problem. It does not appear to be a film made with any forethought or direction, it is a gigantic pile of puerile and grotesque nonsense.
There is an initial shock experienced with the first few horrific tableaus, but the film never lets up and it eventually makes you numb to the experience. After which, since it has no interesting narrative or comprehendible reason or theme to bring this collage of gore and filth together, the viewer is only left with an unending cascade of shallow and meaningless grotesquery.
Name Of Movie: Minions: The Rise of Gru
Director: Kyle Balda
Month Of Release: July
Why It Sucked: The previous movie, Minions, was bad enough. It told a story that no one asked for, that didn’t even answer the only question anyone could have had. “What the hell are these yellow mutants with their borderline-offensive accent?”
This movie continues the tradition of the series that started with Despicable Me, attempting to destroy cinema as an art form, in favor of making only easily commodifiable garbage, because a movie doesn’t need to be good, or do well, as long as it justifies a new wave of merchandising.
MD STAFF: DANA VARGAS
Name Of Movie: Jeepers Creepers: Reborn
Director: Timo Vuorensola
Month Of Release: September
Why It Sucked: Is anyone a huge fan of this franchise? Seriously, I’m asking. I mean, maybe there were quite a few fans of this horror series, but their numbers have undoubtedly dwindled since finding out what a disgusting, low-life POS Victor Salva is. I admit, the first Jeepers Creepers was enjoyable, an urban legend film done right. But, I don’t know what kind of designer drugs the people at Screen Media and United Artists were ingesting to greenlight 2022’s Jeepers Creepers: Reborn.
This film is a hot, terrible mess and not in a good way, which is a shame, because it’s opening (featuring an appearance of the fabulous Dee Wallace and Gary Graham) is far and away the best part of this film. It misleadingly draws you in to want to watch more of this film before you quickly realize that this is going to be a 10mg weed gummy that tastes like Louisiana swamp water and leaves you still waiting for something remotely interesting to happen to you more than a hour after you’ve eaten it. There’s horrible cosplay, and even worse horror festivals (seriously, this is supposed to be a huge event our protagonists are attending and it looks like there are max 30 people there), terrible acting, stupid dialogue, and some of the worst CGI effects since Birdemic (which I’d watch over this any day, btw). The budget for this festering anal fissure of a film was $5 million, though you’d never know to look at it, as there is a cheap, chintzy quality to the whole look, especially the effects (for contrast, look at Vanessa and Joseph Winter’s fantastic 2022 horror film, Deadstream, made for a fraction of that cost and with practical effects to boot). Jeepers Creepers: Reborn feels phoned-in, an afterthought in our current glut of reboots and sequels to sequels, a way to scrape together some easy bucks by throwing bad filmmaking and absolutely no fucks to its audience. This is one sequel that should never have been resurrected.
Name Of Movie: Halloween Ends
Director: David Gordon-Green
Month Of Release: October
Why It Sucked: Fine, call me a hater. But know this: I have a strong love and admiration for the Halloween films and to the characters of Michael Myers and Laurie Strode, despite the ups and downs for both of them and the franchise. And its for those reasons why Halloween Ends frustrated me to no end. Listen, I’m not going to completely crap on this film because, honestly, it doesn’t the deserve complete and utter hate it has gotten. There are some really interesting ideas in this finale (and I say that loosely, because somehow I don’t think this is truly the END END for Halloween movies). What DID suck for me was that THIS film was the final film.
It felt like there were two different films going on here - one, another sequel in the middle of a series, and the other a final showdown film to end a popular franchise. David Gordon-Green seemed caught between two disparate ideas and couldn’t figure out how to reconcile either one of them fully. My real problem with this film is that it did not ultimately come back to Laurie and Michael, and when we meet Laurie again, four years after Halloween Kills, she’s baking pies and knitting, her trauma and rage towards Michael seemingly all but forgotten (despite the fact that in Halloween 2018, 40 years after the first attempt on her life, she was still deeply traumatized and angry).
I feel cheated out of some kind of truly climatic face-off between Michael and Laurie, but honestly, that could have happened if this was a straightforward one-one-one all out kill fest. I’m not going to say the alternative would have been better, but it would have been more cohesive and enjoyable to watch. I had no fun watching Halloween Ends. It seems like Green had a solid idea for a film about the nature of evil and how violent loners are created, but he shoved it into a Halloween movie where the expectations were all about endings, not beginnings. You had your audience going in expecting one thing and getting another, watching these two concepts pushing and pulling against each other. It’s hard not to feel some modicum of disappointment in that.
MD STAFF: Christopher Boise
Name Of Movie: Orphan: First Kill
Director: William Brent Bell
Month Of Release: August
Why It Sucked: Here is the thing. The first one was incredible. Hell it even turned into a true story kinda a year ago or so (google it for to get the full story of course). I love Isabelle Fuhrman as Ester. She really kicks ass at that role and plays it in a way you could actually see her be a bit of a psychopath. With the prequel though, it kind of repeats the same storyline as the one we already saw. You got the distant husband (played by Rossif Sutherland), an angry yet confused wife (played by Julia Stiles), and of course the douche bag of a son that is a dick just to be a dick (played by Matthew Finlan).
I did enjoy seeing Hiro Kanagawa playing the Detective Donnan role (all those “iZombie” fans know why he is a good addition to any film or TV show) but honestly the movie was kind of pointless. The events of what happened to the first family were explained in a 2 minute scene…….do we really need to make a whole film about that? Not to mention that the red herring of the Mother and Son characters are found out to be the ones who covered up the “accidental death” of the real daughter, as well partnering up with Ester so no one gets found out was kind of out of nowhere. Seriously though I watched this to begin with out of mild curiosity and kind of felt if I could gun it to 88 MPH and flip on my flux capacitor, I would stop myself from watching it and just enjoy a “Dead Meat” review of it on YouTube.
I would of course feel even more irritated if I had to pay to see it in the theaters (movie theaters are still a thing, right?) and sit uncomfortably while watching this. Who knows, I could be wrong. There have been worse movies out there (cough cough…..”Troll 2”) that have become a cult classic, so it is possible this one may grow on me. For now though, I am not a fan.
Name Of Movie: Bodies Bodies Bodies
Director: Halina Reijin
Month Of Release: August
Why It Sucked: Fair warning, I may likely go on a rant about this one so bare with me. First off, the fact that this movie takes place at a house party where everyone has premeditated drama with each other (including someone they have never met), or that everyone is dressed like it is 2002 and not to mention Glow stick necklaces are in this movie more than they should be is a big red flag to me. Also, I have just recently come around to slightly enjoying Pete Davidson (who plays David in this movie) and his comedy, but sadly this made me dock a couple of points from him. He plays this role as the slightly spastic, spoiled and thinks he is deserved everything he wants kind of person that I would clearly avoid at a party. If he is near the beer, then I’m not drinking that night (we have all seen at least 2-3 people at party that fits that description, you know its true). I think Pete Davidson is funny but for a horror comedy, I don’t think he is fit. It makes me miss the silliness of Matthew Lillard from “Scream” and how his character was all over the place. It was damn enjoyable and you all know it.
Now, I will say that the cast of this movie (Amandla Stenberg as Sophie, Maria Bakalova as Bee, Rachel Sennott as Alice, Chase Sui Wonders as Emma, and Myha’la Herrold as Jordan) were fantastic in this and honest was the best part of this. They did well wit what they had. Also, Lee Pace what are you thinking about taking the role in this movie my dude? You were in “Pushing Daisies” and played Ronin in “Guardians of the Galaxy”, why take the role in this one? It was just weird for me to see Lee Pace in this movie. He is a phenomenal actor and I love seeing him in things, but if I wanted to see him weird hairdo via a wig I would watch “The Mindy Project”. If you haven’t seen him in any of those things I mentioned then how dare you!? Go watch them, damn.
Lastly I will say this, the fact that the entire events of the movie taking place with the characters thinking they are being killed off one by one is a total lie. It only happened because Pete Davidson’s character David was trying to make a TikTok with Greg’s (Lee Pace’s character) sword and ended up accidentally slicing his throat was a huge let down. It just means that everyone who died in the process of this movie after David’s death was all for nothing. Everyone was paranoid out of their minds. This is why you only do drugs at a party if it is a safe and chill environment. No one wants to have a bad trip and go crazy at a party. Anyways, I could continue on with the reasons why I didn’t enjoy this movie but I am getting to the age where if I rant about things I don’t like, I will go on talking about them like the silly old man I am slowly becoming. Watch it, don’t watch it, the decision is up to you but as for me, it is a one time watch.
MD STAFF: Nick Bankhead
Name Of Movie: Nope
Director: Jordan Peele
Month Of Release: July ‘22
Why It Sucked: OMG! Did an MD staff loser proclaim J. Peele’s movie Nope a lame, meandering film with soft notes of M. Knight Shamalamalamayan's Signs. Yes, a thoughtful, handsome, modest, part-time writer for MD did proclaim this. Glass-half full, you ask? The budget is sick and I give props to the DP and cinematography crew. Other than that, let's talk about the story.
The first three hours of the film: Zzzzzzzz. Finally, in the last few minutes of the film, the alien plankton, which is the size of a small town and has the appetite of a dainty French model, wants to eat a few horses now and then, and much like the Gorgon Medusa, one can’t look at it. That's the movie. Sure, people have their tastes and flavors, and that's rad - and Peele is a creative powerhouse within film, writing, and comedy - I'm just not on the bandwagon regarding all the hype in his style of "horror."
Side note: Maybe Nope is the more adult version of Close Encounters - or maybe that’s the edible typing.
MD Staff: Sam Santiago
Name Of Movie: SPEAK NO EVIL
Director: Christian Tafdrup
Month Of Release: March
Why It Sucked: Ya ever get told that a film is good and then you take the time out of your day to see it and wind up mad after viewing it? Speak No Evil causes this reaction in spades. The film is semi-simple with its plot. A Swedish family goes on vacation, meets another family, they become fast friends and plan on linking up when they get back to their respective homes. A few months pass and sure enough, the Swedish family goes and visits and then all kinds of weird shit starts happening. Sounds intriguing right? WRONG!
From the predictability of the strange couple to the dumb responses of the Swedish family to what is happening around them. You just get angrier and angrier the more the film goes on. It’s not scary, it’s not spooky or even remotely horrific except in the aspect of family bonds and how they can easily be severed. The film tries its best to make the couple likable but ultimately you just get tired of their non responsive handling of the situation. Even the title of the film is tongue in cheek due to the films ending..but you’d have to actually finish the movie to get it, which we don’t recommend. The idea that a husband would discredit his wife just to have a drinking buddy makes me furious and is non-realistic. That bothered me and made me totally removed from the couple.
Name Of Movie: Don’t Worry Darling
Director: Olivia Wilde
Month Of Release: September
Why It Sucked: This film was hyped soooo damn much but fell flat on its face. The idea of a perfect utopia has been dabbled with since the Twilight Zone and even the Stepford Wives(which are ripped off completely in the film.
Don’t Worry Darling had a stellar cast, amazing locations, and some of the best dialogue we’ve heard between a husband and wife in a film in quiet some time BUT, and boy it’s a big BUT, the film as a whole trues to blend sci-fi with a thriller and add a dash of 60s style to it but just doesn’t pull it off well. You can see the predictable nature of it from the first scene where nothing is explained but suddenly you’re in this amazing house and everything is perfect. It’s like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer moves to work for Hank Scorpio and Marge is left with nothing to do but drink and the kids are outcasts by their own individuality. The twist was done well but by the time it does come into the picture, you just want the film to end.
MD STAFF: Matt Orozco
Name Of Movie: Soft & Quiet
Director: Beth de Araújo
Month Of Release: November
Why It Sucked: Two words: bigot porn. And please don’t mistake my hating this movie as a sign that I “don’t get it”, but SOFT & QUIET is to bigotry like sexual violence is to A SERBIAN FILM. It’s a very well-made film in most regards, but the story is so needlessly bleak and serves no point whatsoever. Is this kind of apparent unfiltered racism and bigotry vile and disgusting? Absolutely. But if you needed this movie to tell you that, then you’ve likely been taking up residence underneath a rock. if the point is to show how groupthink and emboldened hatred can spiral out of control there are so many more movies that offer up a more distinctive and interesting viewing experience. Take SUPER DARK TIMES as an example, it peddles the same “shock and awe” vibe, but the story is more impactful because it builds towards its delivery methodically while not entirely showing its hand. SOFT & QUIET lacks any sense of surprise because you know these people are awful, so all you’re doing is watching them be awful for 90 minutes. It reminds me of how HOSTEL ushered in a bunch of torture porn clones, even though it wasn’t the first film to dabble, and I truly hope that this movie doesn’t give credence to filmmakers who just want to make you suffer and offer no point of view or interpretation. Even Gaspar Noé knows that…
Name Of Movie: Mr. Harrigan’s Phone
Director: John Lee Hancock
Month Of Release: October
Why It Sucked: IMO, the most egregious error a horror film can make is to be boring. In a genre that is literally full of unlimited ideas given the fantastical nature of the content, the last thing any horror movie should be is boring. Well, MR. HARRIGAN’S PHONE said, “hold my beer because I’m boring as fuck”. I did not read the original Stephen King book/story so I’m not comparing the film to that as much as I’m comparing the film to watching paint dry. So little happens in this movie that actually matters and it makes even trying to recall details a challenge. Supernatural dramas tend to suffer from this kind of thing, but there are plenty of examples of films that do this really well. THE CHANGELING, CARRIE, WHAT LIES BENEATH, and more all have excelled in telling compelling drama stories that dip their toes into the otherworldly. Ultimately, MR. HARRIGAN’S PHONE falls flat because there is not a single interesting thing about it aside from seeing Donald Sutherland on screen again, and sadly that’s not worth the price of your time.
Keep in mind, these films and our opinions you might not agree with but hey, that’s what makes life spicy right? Debate, arguments, discussions. These are needed to understand others so keep that in mind.
Stay up to date with “The Dark Side Of Pop Culture” by following MacabreDaily on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
