"SWAP" (2024) Is Some Rough Trade (REVIEW)
Movies about horny vampires are a dime a dozen. The sex and death metaphors that link to vampirism are well-trodden territory by now, but it’s nice to know that vampires can get bored, too. But as we’ve seen before, horniness and boredom can lead to dangerous places, especially when dealing with creatures of the night. Writer/Director Dallas King explores this idea, as well as the bodies of his cast in DREAD’s latest vampire flick “Swap.” This ain’t no white elephant party.
We meet Kyla (Jessica Leila Greene) and her boyfriend Rad (James Eastwood) in the midst of some steamy sex, which fizzles out quickly. Rad loves Kyla, but he isn’t feeling much of a spark. To spice things up, the sexually adventurous Kyla has them visit her college friend Glory (Erin Anne Gray), who’s all too eager to get them in a four-way with her lover, Angelo (King, pumping solid douchebro energy into his script). Before you know it, Kyla and Glory are flirting while Angelo is preaching to Rad about lust, and you know, sharing. It turns out Angelo is a centuries-old vampire who wants more than a piece of his new visitors. He wants trade partners, or really just have one big ol’ orgy.
It’s novel that the expected roles of this scenario are reversed. Kyla is the free spirit who drags her reluctant boyfriend into a “Dear Penthouse” letter many men would kill for. It’s also surprising that Aneglo doesn’t want to just dispose of the newly arrived couple. But the novelty ends there. King bathes most scenes in pink or red neon light in an attempt at stylization, but the film itself consists mostly of people sitting around and talking as Rad gets confused. In one scene he and Kyla have a conversation while Glory and Angelo have audibly loud sex on the other side of the wall. It’s unclear if it’s supposed to be funny, seductive, or both. (The answer: neither.) In another scene, written by a man, Kyla and Glory bathe together and talk about squirting. It doesn’t move the film along or reveal different shades of either character. It just kind of lays there.
Erotic thrillers like “Suitable Flesh” are making a comeback on the independent scene, and “Swap” definitely fits in that category, but isn’t the least bit scary. It’s shockingly inert for all the beautiful flesh on display. The recent “Bone Lake” understood that if you’re going to make a film where two couples are the only four people in your film, you have to do more than rely on the attractiveness of the characters. For someone meeting a vampire for the first time, Kyla remains one-note throughout, but hey, she’s good at doing naked yoga. There isn’t even anything new or interesting about vampires to hang your hat on. Angelo tells Rad at one point “What makes us unique is that it takes one bite and you can become one of us.” Has nobody even heard about the mere concept of vampires before?
The tagline for “Swap” reads “50 shades of red,” but the only BDSM is between King and his audience. I wish King and his actors tried to lean into the sleaziness more, but ultimately the film feels like one long choice that nobody makes. To paraphrase Ron Swanson, “be pornography or be nothing.”
SWAP is available to rent or purchase on video-on-demand (VOD).
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