Retro Review: DONT' OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS (1984)
Santa’s of all types become the target of a holiday killer in DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS.
He goes by many names all over the world: Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, Papa Noel, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, Santa Claus or simply Santa. The iconography of Santa Claus has shifted and transformed over the years, his appearance and significance ranging vastly over various countries and cultures. Sometimes he’s depicted as skinny, garbed in religious robes with a stern appearance on his face. Other times, he is shown as a beatific old farmer, adorned with pine garlands and simple clothes. In our Western culture, we know that classic Santa with the black boots, the red suit, and the white bushy beard. No matter his appearance or name, the image of Santa Claus is a visual symbol of inherent goodness and purity, representing all that is decent and uncorrupted in this world, at least to most of us. In EDMUND PURDOM’S holiday slasher film, DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS, the sanctity of Santa is under attack by a killer who sees the legendary figure as anything but innocent.
Santa splatter for days in DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS.
PLOT:
It’s almost Christmas, and a killer is running loose through the streets of London, targeting people dressed as Santa Claus and killing them in various and sometimes extravagant fashion. Scotland Yards’ Inspector Harris (EDMUND PURDOM) has taken on the case of tracking down this Saint Nick slasher, but he has his work cut out for him as the bodies (and the suspects) keep piling up.
A Santa gets more than milk and cookies in a scene from DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS.
KILLS:
For those of you looking for a seasonal splatter-fest, have no fear, there are Kris Kringle kills galore in this film. From a Christmas party Santa getting a spear right through the mouth, to one getting an icepick right through the neck, there’s more red splattered across scenes than the window of a Macy’s holiday display. One particularly nasty kill sees a Santa meeting his demise while standing at the urinal, the killer taking a straight razor to his *ahem* “yule log” and leaving him to bleed out in the bathroom. One extended scene sees an inebriated Santa (and there are plenty of them in this film) leaving a pub on a bike. When some stereotypical 80’s British punk kids steal it from him, he’s left on foot, the killer now hot on his heels. He manages to escape into a famous British tourist trap, The London Dungeon, famous for its 360 degree sets that depicts various gory and macabre historical and fictional events. The location becomes a literal weapons candy shop for our killer, who proceeds to try and take out the poor Santa with a giant saber from one of the exhibits, as well as a weapon that looks like a giant pizza cutter with blades sticking out of it. It’s a fun set piece that fits right in with the killer’s homicidal theatrics.
In one scene, a Santa on the run from the killer hides out in the famous London Dungeon.
VISUALS/SFX:
The effects and visuals are about as low-budget as they come and one shot in particular, sees Sergeant Powell (MARK JONES) at his work desk, which looks like they basically plopped a desk and a lamp in the middle of an abandoned insane asylum (you can even hear his dialogue echoing off the walls in the scene). But hey, we all know that low-budget in the horror world often doesn’t mean bad. The gore is this film is lots of fun, with thick, tomato-sauce-like blood spraying across objects and plenty of sharp implements buried into brain matter. In one scene, Scotland Yard has taken things up a notch in their investigation of the Santa murders and decide to place undercover cops in Santa disguises at a popular fairground to see if they can coax the killer out. One of the cops, smoking a cigarette outside, gets stabbed in his groin, courtesy of a hidden shoe blade the killer has hidden away in the toe (giving me serious Austin Powers villain vibes). Once the killer finishes him off with some gnarly brass knuckles, another undercover Santa comes out and gets stabbed right in the eye with a pipe. The shot of that dead Santa’s eyeball literally sliding off his face was hilariously brilliant.
BELINDA MAYNE and GERRY SUNDQUIST in a scene from DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS.
PERFORMANCES:
Though EDMUND PURDOM who plays Inspector Harris is top billed in this film, it doesn’t feel like there is one main star here, mainly because we follow several characters equally throughout the film. We have Kate and Cliff (played by BELINDA MAYNE and GERRY SUNDQUIST, respectively), who are pulled into the investigation when Kate’s dad (dressed as Santa, natch) is murdered at a Christmas party in front of a huge crowd of people. It’s that case that becomes the main focus for the film, and at various points, both Kate and Cliff are suspected. Rounding out the cast of suspects are Giles Harrison (ALAN LAKE), a story-hungry newspaper reporter, Sergeant Powell (MARK JONES), and creepy photographer (and Cliff’s friend) Gerry, played by KEVIN LLOYD. But it’s perhaps KELLY BAKER as Sherry, who really makes the most of her limited screen time as a peep show worker who witnesses one of the murders take place in her own booth. She, in essence, really becomes our “final girl” as she manages to escape the killer several times (even getting kidnapped by them at one point). It all culminates with her having a final showdown with the killer, the outcome of which I won’t spoil here, but manages to be both surprising and predictable, if that’s even possible. I also have to give props to ALAN LAKE as Giles, whose voice and lips gave me total TOM HARDY-as-Bane life, and if I’m honest, I could totally see Hardy playing that role in a remake of this film (someone please greenlight this pleaseandthankyou and also cast GARY OLDMAN in the role of Inspector Harris while you’re at it).
In DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS, a crazed killer has a grudge against Kris Kringle.
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
While not the best slasher film I’ve seen, DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS is still an enjoyable one. It has plenty of creative kills, as well as enough red herrings to keep you engaged in the story. Although the slasher genre feels as American as apple pie and 24-hour Walmart’s, there is something to be said for British slasher films and that marriage of posh and camp that just always is fun to watch. DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS is what I’d imagine would be the result if DRESSED TO KILL and FRIDAY THE 13TH had a love child.
One of the more interesting moments in the film, and where I feel the crux of the plot can really be found, is when Inspector Harris and Sergeant Powell are talking about the case early in the film. Harris tells Powell that the Commissioner said: “perhaps we can assume then that the killings will just stop and give us something to look forward to next Christmas.” Powell then replies: “the trouble is that the moment anyone puts on a Santa Claus costume they become a sort of semi-holy figure, don’t they?” And it’s true. So much of the mythos surrounding Santa Claus is so tied to Christianity and to Santa being held up in cultures as a beacon of all that is good and pure in the world. However, in the DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS world, all the Santa’s that are targeted are corrupt in some way (with perhaps the exception of Kate’s father). They are drunks, lechers, and derelicts - basically the antithesis of all that Santa is supposed to stand for. This film is not new in turning the idea of Santa on his head - SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, RARE EXPORTS, and SANTA’S SLAY have all explored a more evil, homicidal characterization of the beloved figure- however, this film does stand out as it’s not Santa targeting people, it's a person targeting Santa’s.
Without giving any pertinent spoilers away, I have to say the ending was a bit of a surprise, albeit an abrupt one. What I will disclose about the killer’s motive is that they are targeting Santa’s specifically as the result of a long-held, Kris Kringle-related, and - fair point to the killer- VALID trauma. The holidays and the symbol of Santa generally inspire feelings of goodwill, joy, and peace to many people this time of year, but to others the Christmas season becomes a marker of past trauma, a time where feelings of joy and happiness are replaced with ennui and melancholy. Where Santa no longer becomes the harbinger of peace on earth and goodwill towards man, but instead becomes the object of rage and vitriol. Santa’s be warned: the killer of DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS is making a list and checking it twice - and honey, all of y'all are naughty in his eyes.
THE GORY DETAILS:
The film took almost two years to complete after original director EDMUND PURDOM quit the job and DEREK FORD took over but was fired after two days. The distributors then hired RAY SELFE to complete the direction and ALAN BIRKINSHAW to rewrite parts of the script, including the original ending and the London Dungeon sequence, and much of the footage was completely re-filmed.
The film was released after the death of actor ALAN LAKE.
EDMUND PURDOM agreed to star in this film only after stipulating that he also direct it.
MY RATING: 5/10
WHERE TO WATCH:
The film is only available to watch on iTunes (at the time of this publication). Full disclosure: since i don’t have an iTunes account, I re-watched it for free on YouTube, subtitled in Russian, and unfortunately, there was an entire scene missing from that version, so I wouldn’t recommend seeking that version out.
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