COLLECTOR'S CRYPT - CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS (VCI 4K UHD)
I would venture a guess that over 90% of horror fans can name at least one BOB CLARK film, and the other 10% probably don’t even realize he is behind one of their favorite films. A genre-crossing and in some cases defining filmmaker who gave us A CHRISTMAS STORY is the same one who 9 years prior created the seminal holiday slasher, BLACK CHRISTMAS. Bob Clark is one of those legends whose mark on the industry is bigger than most realize, but somehow not big enough to catapult him into a household name for anyone else except cinephiles and genre fans. I’ve often waxed sentimental in these openings about memories of being in video stores, and how some of the covers were staples of the horror section in almost every place from Blockbuster to the local mom-and-pop operation. While Bob Clark certainly has a couple on that list of frequent finds, one stood out among the rest and VCI ENTERTAINMENT has put it out in a fresh new 4K UHD disc, CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS. Is this new restoration bringing life back to this zombie romp or is this a part of Clark’s filmography that should stay buried?
WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
Five young kinky actors and their artistic director come to a desolate and nearly forgotten burial island, complete with a morbid history of MURDER, RAPE, CURSES, and DEMONS. Alan, the brilliant but bizarre Director of the company, has brought them to this foreboding place to dabble in witchcraft; specifically to dig up a fresh corpse and use it in a ritual ceremony that is supposed to raise the dead from their graves. It seems as though Alan has really gathered his 'children' here, only to play a practical joke on them and then party the rest of the night away. However, the joke's on Alan. His bizarre ritual ceremony really does raise the dead from their graves...only they're in no mood to party!
HOW IS IT?
The cover art for CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS (henceforth referred to as CHILDREN) draws you in and leaves you guessing. The vintage box art looks as comedic as it does horrific and on a quick glance, you would easily pass by it assuming it was some schlocky cheap affair, at least that’s what I did until now. I never knew what to expect from this film, and in spite of hearing nothing but rave reviews and constantly seeing it on lists of “hidden gems,” I avoided it. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I am glad that VCI ENTERTAINMENT has brought this classic Bob Clark film to a great looking 4K UHD disc!
It’s hard to call this a horror comedy, as it does both in very clear-cut ways. The first hour is all set up of seeing this group of actors and eccentrics disrespect each other and the dead. The jokes are there, and some of them may arouse a slight giggle as most of it is very of its time. It’s not offensive, it is just that humor has an innocence to it that is lost in today’s world of sycophantic cynicism and bleakness. Nevertheless, these characters are a delight to watch since they are both believable and over the top all at the same time. This focus on getting to know these characters before introducing the horror is essential to delaying the gratification we so often seek from these movies, the bloodshed.
Once CHILDREN turns the corner and goes full-on horror, the humor evaporates like a fart in the shower. The remaining 20 minutes are some of the best zombie work on film, and it’s so effective because you’re waiting for it, but you aren’t sure what to expect. The zombies are threatening and not at all as lighthearted as the troupe and their jokes during the first two acts. Considering CHILDREN is rated PG, which I doubt would fly today considering the violence, it may not traffic in buckets of blood, but that doesn’t stop it from getting downright intense. A lot of the credit goes to the great makeup effects which don’t bear too many hallmarks of antiquated techniques. The final act turn is such a 180 that you almost don’t believe it is happening as you wait for a joke. Alas, there are none. I’m almost embarrassed I hadn’t seen this film, something that’s been on my list of shame that I’ve neglected to correct until now. And I couldn’t be happier about remedying that, even if it took 37 years.
HOW DOES IT LOOK?
VCI ENTERTAINMENT brings both 4K UHD and a standard 1080p HD blu ray version of CHILDREN. I wasn’t able to find much information on if this transfer was from the original 35mm negatives or something else, but overall the 4K UHD image is as decent enough. The film definitely shows signs of age and given the lack of info on what source they used for the 4K restoration, it’s hard to say if that’s a product of the condition of the elements or not. Still, it looks good even if it’s not going to be your new visual benchmark disc. Screenshots from the BLU RAY 1080p version of the film are used below and throughout the review (Apple, you need to start playing nice with 4K UHD external drives…please?).
HOW DOES IT SOUND?
No frills here as we get a PCM 2.0 audio track and it is just fine. The action is a bit muddled when things get noisy on screen, but that is to be expected given it’s a mono audio track. The dialogue and music come through clearly, and no audible errors like pops, cracks, etc. Also, I’m very happy to say that VCI ENTERTAINMENT has included English subtitles with this release…w00t!
ANYTHING SPECIAL?
My favorite special feature type is the feature-length documentary. Even movies I don’t like I’ll entertain long-form retrospectives and behind-the-scenes exposés purely to hear the funny stories and get context from those who saw the film through the entire lifecycle. VCI ENTERTAINMENT does not disappoint with CHILDREN as they have a nearly 90-minute documentary about the horror films of Bob Clark! Dreaming of Death: Bob Clark’s Horror Films is a chronological review of the American maestro’s films told by those cast and crew who worked alongside him at the time. It’s been 15 years since Bob Clark’s passing, and while we can’t have the man himself on you do get an embarrassment of riches with respect to the other interviews. The interviews vary from the actors to crew and longtime collaborators, and it’s strictly focused on Clark’s horror output, which is only five films. Considering the other 80% or so of his films are comedies, dramas, and family films I appreciate the focus on just the genre work since a full retrospective could go on for hours.
The rest of the special features included in this release are listed below:
New 2022 Video Introduction and Q&A with Alan Ormsby
New 2022 - 90-minute Video Documentary DREAMING OF DEATH: Bob Clark's Horror Films, with many new interviews with cast and crew.
Full Commentary Track with Alan Ormsby, Jane Daly, and Anya Cronin
The Los Angeles Grindhouse Festival, May 22, 2007, Q&A. A Video filmed in between a double feature showing of CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY... and DEATHDREAM at the Beverly Cinema.
Confessions of a Grave Digger: Video Interview with Ken Goch.
Extensive Photo & Poster Gallery
'Dead Girls Don't Say No' Music video by The Deadthings.
'Cemetery Mary' Music video by The Deadthings.
Original Theatrical Trailer and Radio Spots.
New Special Liner-Notes Booklet written by Patrick McCabe.
Collectible Slipcover limited to initial pressing.
LAST RITES
CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS has one of the best zombie payoffs of all time, even if the old jokes don’t all land leading up to it this is easily the most fun zombie film ever to get a PG rating. Fans of the film, and Bob Clark, will be delighted with a host of outstanding features making for an essential release for any serious genre collector!
THE GORY DETAILS
Thank you to the fine fiends at MVD ENTERTAINMENT for providing a review copy for the crypt, and you can purchase AUDREY ROSE now via MVD DIRECT or VCI ENTERTAINMENT!
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